A Post Valentine's Substack

And a couple of things I've learned lately

Hi there!

How was your Valentine's weekend? Did you get swept off your feet by surprise packages and love poems? Or did someone send you this ridiculous song with a laughing emoji?

I had a beautiful weekend. Beautiful because I got to be part of sharing love, rather than just be on the receiving end.

(This is not to say I didn't receive any gifts, or the people responsible will come for me after this post lands).

I think it is just beautiful to be part of a secret syndicate that puts a smile on the face of someone you don't know, miles away from you. I'll probably share more about this in another newsletter. But for now…

Valentine's Fever is Over!

Now that the season is over, I feel we can finally heave a huge sigh and get back to the way things used to be.

Did I mention I saw a baby masquerade prowling the streets for Valentine's? SMH. Since when did it become a festival to require a baby masquerade?

Regardless, I hope you had a beautiful time, whether reminded of the love of a significant other or the love of friends and family.

I hope you were reminded of just how special and important you are. And if you weren't, this is me telling you how special you are to this community of newsletter readers. How I cannot say "I have XY subscribers" without having you here.

Oftentimes, I think of writing newsletters as opening the window of your soul and letting a handkerchief fly. It is heartwarming to know that somewhere in the street below, someone would stop to pick it up and place it in their pocket.

So thank you for being here; for reading my thoughts and for following me on this journey. I value you (even if an ex didn't, even if no one else said it this past weekend).

There. You probably know I'm a hopeful romantic by now, LOL.

A Ground Breaking Discovery: The World Will End in Exactly 115 Years

Now that we have all the mushy stuff out of the way, I discovered something interesting since the last time we spoke, and I'm excited to share it with you.

Remember my last post where I created a poll to find out if you would be interested to see my reading lists?

Well, for the duration the poll would be open, I picked "forever".

Imagine my surprise to revisit the post a few days later to see Substack proudly showing off to me that forever is exactly 115 years away!

Who would have known?

I'm proud of Substack for this groundbreaking discovery. I mean, if someone says to you, "I will love you forever" thanks to Substack, we now know that a break-up is exactly 115 years away.

Isn't that beautiful to know?

What to Do When the World is Ending

With this new information from Substack about the world ending soon, it kind of puts things in perspective, doesn't it?

It gets you thinking about what is really important, and how you want to be remembered.

Frankly , I would like to think I'm the kind of person who would want to be remembered for going on evangelism sprees and winning many souls for the Kingdom.

There is only one little problem —

While I understand the importance of sharing the gospel with the unreached, especially in these last days, and love talking about the Lord, I'm a lot more comfortable doing it in conversational settings, as opposed to prowling the streets, seeking out prey to descend upon.

I'll tell you about a street-prowling experience I had recently—

On this particular day, I went out for an evangelism organised by my church. I was paired with a partner, and we set off.

Along the way, we met this young lady who seemed very welcoming, offered us a seat and generally let us know that she was a believer, having accepted Jesus as her Saviour and Lord. I was excited about this naturally—but things started to go downhill from there.

Somehow, the friendly conversation degenerated into a heated one about doctrinal differences, and as I sat at a corner, mortified, I remembered my Youth Pastor's number one rule of evangelism "Walk away from arguments"

Me wondering how I got into the situation

As it was, I was stuck in the shop, subtly signalling my partner to wrap up the conversation.

What had started as two sets of believers happy to meet each other had turned into arguments about what kind of baptism was right.

Sigh.

We ended up spending precious extra minutes, our other companions waiting impatiently back at church for us to show up.

(Some of them eventually gave up and went home without us).

---

Did that experience teach me a thing or two?

It certainly did.

Comparison is the Thief of Joy— And Everything Else

Someone made a posit that if all the people of the world were the same race, and there were no differences in skin colour or complexion, people would find another point of difference to divide themselves by: People who wore glasses vs people who didn't, tall vs short, and the distinctions would be endless.

It is easy, as humans, to compare ourselves with others, whether it's things like physical appearance, social status, etc.

As social creatures, we encounter and interact with others on our journey through life. It’s so easy to go beyond merely interacting with each other to dissecting and comparing ourselves with them.

Have you noticed that when you stare at something long enough, there will always be something you discover, something that makes you think it wasn't as great as you initially thought?

That's what happens when we compare ourselves with others.

Rather than seeing the beauty that we both represent, the diverse and unique ways that we relate with the world, we begin to see our differences; how they have bigger eyes, a different degree, etc.

Or even—because we are still basking in the waning euphoria of Valentine's season— who got a bigger surprise package, whose partner is more "aesthetically pleasing", etc.

The aggregate of these points of comparison gives us a deluded sense of our worth in relation to others.

We no longer think, "I'm good".

Instead , we think in terms of superlatives, "I am better than them."

God Doesn't Do Superlatives— And Neither Should We

It is interesting that God, the Creator of all things, did not assess His creation by superlatives.

He did not create the night and day , and then decide that the day was better than the night— He called them both “Good”.

I am more of a night person than a diurnal creature. My idea of a nice time would be going out to some fancy restaurant after dark, and some of my most productive work is done at night.

For someone else, they could be morning birds— the ones who wake with the sun and get their energy levels up without needing a coffee. (I secretly wonder at these people).

Given these differences, it would be foolish to ask either of us which was better— night or day.

The answer would be neither, because the premise of the question is wrong.

God doesn't call one good and one better. He looked at them all and called them "Good".

Where Self-Worth Comes From

If we base our worth on how we are faring next to others, we would be sentencing ourselves to a life of unhappiness.

Imagine all the trouble the Evil Queen in Snow White had to go through because she could not go a day without asking the mirror on the wall who the fairest of them all was.

All the planning that went into trying to get rid of Snow White could have been spent on living her best life and doing whatever queens do in their castles.

(If only she realised she was a queen in her own right and did not need to compare herself with others.)

There will always be someone or something that seems "better" if we go looking for what didn't look for us.

In life, we all have mirrors to look into just like the Evil Queen.

There is nothing wrong with looking at ourselves in self-reflection and evaluation— to discover the type of person we are, our flaws, and what needs improving—but that is all mirrors are made for.

They are not made for comparing ourselves with others.


Our inherent worth comes not from how well we are faring next to 20 other people, but from everything God says about us. And He has said quite a lot.

He calls us valuable, precious, and priceless. He confers a worth on us that cannot be bought with all the gold in the world, and reenacted this by purchasing us with the most precious thing to Him—His Son—in essence, Himself.

So you do not need to scroll through Instagram and compare your facial features with some model's; you do not need to go through your LinkedIn feeds to see which colleague is doing 'better' than you.


If you need a reminder, remember that God did not call either the day or night better— remember that He called them both good.

Remember that He does not look at you and compare you with the billions of others on the face of the earth— remember that He sees you as you are.

That when he looks at you, You have His full attention, you occupy the full frame.

And see yourself that way. Walk through life understanding that you are fearfully and wonderfully made, and the mirror of His word He has given you is not for comparison, but for self-evaluation and improvement.

I hope this post helps you see how pointless superlatives are, and how superlatively wonderful you are.

I hope it helps you zoom in on the beauty that is your life, and keep it in full frame because you are worth it.

But more, I hope God speaks to your heart beyond the words in this letter and heals you of every need to compare.


To living in full frame,

Gift.

📚 Books I'm Currently Reading

• The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van der Kolk

• Melania, by FLOTUS Melania Trump

I'm also reading the Bible, and I'm particularly immersed in the messy details of Saul and David's relationship. If you would like to read some of my insights from 1 Samuel, head over to my IG here


💡 I would love to hear from you, have you ever struggled with comparison? What helped you break free?